KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE (2017) - The same thing, but worse

Kingsman: The Golden Circle is a 2017 action spy comedy directed by Matthew Vaughn and starring Taron Egerton, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Edward Holcroft, Halle Berry, Pedro Pascal, Hanna Alstrom, and Julianne Moore. The sequel to the 2014 smash hit Kingsman: The Secret Service follows Eggsy and the Kingsmen teaming up with the Statesmen (essentially their American counterparts) in order to stop the Golden Circle organization.

The Story

When Kingsman: The Secret Service came out in 2014, it could best be described as "that one movie that nobody knew about but blew everyone's minds." Literally nobody knew what Kingsman was other than a couple of people who saw the trailer and thought it was some cool spy movie; I hadn't even heard of it at all until a group of friends invited me to see it. And of course, nobody knew that it was going to be the phenomenon it was--grabbing the world's attention with its fantastically gratuitous violence, commentary on current issues, and simultaneous tongue-in-cheek mocking/worship/subversion of typical James Bond-esque spy thriller tropes.

Unfortunately, it doesn't have quite that same punch the second time around.

Think of how mind-blowing the first Matrix movie was, and how kind of boring the second and third ones were. That's pretty much how I felt about this one. The first Kingsman was exciting because we were learning about this new world of spies the same time Eggsy was, and we got to see his epic growth from a good-fer-nothin' street punk into a (mostly) classy gentleman spy.

But then none of that is really present in The Golden Circle. We don't get to see the ramifications of nearly every high-ranking government leader and pop culture icon getting their heads blown off. Eggsy remains stagnant, as does every other character in the movie. The story of the spy world doesn't get expanded either, other than the introduction of the Statesman--who really didn't do much in the movie anyway. And while the special effects and action scenes are technically better in this movie, there's no scene that's really at all memorable--nothing like the "Manners maketh men" bar fight or the hyperviolent church scene in the last movie. 

In fact, if there's one thing The Golden Circle does differently, it's that it really drags everything out. The first Kingsman movie was pretty fast-paced, all things considered; everything logically and quickly leads to the next and builds up to the big finale. This movie does the opposite, with several scenes and subplots just being way too long and/or convoluted. Certain scenes take way too long or have no real purpose, like one scene where Eggsy has to seduce a woman in order to place a tracking device in her (woo-hoo!) which takes ten minutes of the movie--a scene which easily could have been cut down to one or two minutes of him, I don't know, placing the tracker on her clothes or in her drink.

The movie also wastes a lot of time on Eggsy's relationship with the princess that he (woo-hoo!)'d with in the last movie, and Harry/Galahad's mysterious return, neither of which had anything to do with the main plot of the movie and both felt pretty forced.

The Characters

Several characters from the last movie reprise their roles alongside some new cast members, but unfortunately they all lack the same spark they used to have.

Eggsy, Merlin, and Harry aren't as funny or fun or interesting as they used to be. Roxy from the last movie has a brief appearance before disappearing from the movie (to my utter disappointment), as did Channing Tatum who--despite the advertising--hardly is in the movie at all. 

Elton John actually has a fairly large role in the movie that I'm almost surprised he wasn't advertised. Unfortunately instead of playing an actual character, he's treated more as a cameo that lasts waaaaaaaay too long.

Finally, the villain played by Julianne Moore absolutely does not live up to Samuel L. Jackson's wonderful performance from the last movie. While his character was all about consumerism literally killing us, Moore's character is about the war on and legalization of drugs. Which is fine, I guess but the movie's message on this topic is overall a lot muddier than it was in the last.

Final Verdict

Ultimately, there's nothing really that bad about The Golden Circle other than a relatively boring plot and really stretched out runtime with lot's of subplots nobody asked for. But the movie suffers quite a bit when you really stop and ask yourself "Why?"

Why go watch a sequel that's basically the same but not as fun as the first one? 

Why bring back Harry from the dead or have Eggsy be in a relationship when neither has anything to do with the story? 

Why have a villain with a robot arm when you had a much cooler version in the last movie in the form of AN ASSASSIN WITH SWORDS FOR LEGS?

Grade: C

Seriously, this chick is the coolest evil henchman ever. #RIPswordlegs

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